“I want a divorce.” It is something you never thought either you or your spouse would say, yet you now find yourself facing the possibility. Where do you go from here? The first thing we recommend is to decide whether divorce is inevitable or if a further evaluation might be needed. Here are some recommendations of what to do if your spouse tells you that he/she wants a divorce.

Is Counseling a Possibility?

Divorce can be a last option for a couple if they have tried everything they can to repair or mend a broken relationship. Communication issues, differing parenting styles or difficulty with finances are problems which might be solvable with input from a neutral third party, e.g., a marriage counselor or other appropriate professionals.

If you both agree that it may be possible to save your marriage and you have not yet tried marriage counseling, this is often the best place to start.  However, serious issues such as abuse, adultery, or addiction by one or both spouses can only impede a favorable resolution to reconciliation. People typically need to seek help for such significant problems before committing the time and energy into saving a relationship.

When Divorce is the Only Solution Left

The well-being of the children should be the primary focus of any divorcing couple who have kids. The couple should confer and agree together on how they will tell their children about the upcoming divorce and they should also agree to be as kind and considerate to each other to avoid upsetting the children because this is a very traumatic time for them as well.

Once the children are aware that their parents are planning to get a divorce, there are questions that they will naturally want to know. Some questions might be,

  1. Who will they live with?
  2. Where will they go to school?
  3. How often they will get to see each parent?

Be honest with your children even if you do not know all the answers yet.  Keep them updated as you and your spouse try to resolve all the issues regarding separation and divorce.

Other Issues to Work On

Child and spousal support payments is a major issue.  Couples need to sort through their finances and make adjustments on how to sustain two households when not too long ago there was only one.

The division of assets and liabilities is another big concern in divorce. It will save time and money if you and your spouse can agree on most financial matters, but that doesn’t always coincide with reality.  Discussions are necessary and important in order to resolve any disagreements the two of you may have.

One or both of you may want to initiate a consultation with a family law attorney at this point to help start a conversation on these issues. A Collaborative Divorce attorney can make the divorce process less stressful because the focus is to lessen the friction and end the marriage as respectfully as possible while sorting through all the legal issues in the divorce. This also helps parents to preserve their relationship with their children.

If you need help with any issues concerning your divorce, please contact us at Kim Mediation and Law where we are dedicated solely to the practice of family law.