Divorce is something nobody plans for when they marry their significant other.  In fact, many couples vow to never even consider divorce. Unfortunately, there is a 50% chance that new marriages will end in divorce. Common issues are often the cause of a break-up but there are solutions if both parties are willing to cooperate with one another.  Here are the three most common causes of divorce, and what your response could be in each case.

1. Infidelity

Infidelity might feel like a court issue but the state of California is a no-fault divorce state, and therefore, infidelity is not a consideration for a court of law.  Infidelity is difficult and a couple should consider marriage counseling.  If the couple decides that the damage is done and the relationship is irreconcilable, Collaborative Divorce is an excellent option to divorce peacefully and amicably.

2. Finances

Finances can be a topic of conflict in a couple’s relationship. Not seeing eye-to-eye on how to handle the finances can produce conflict that wasn’t there before and money problems can become a festering cause of divorce. Lack of understanding with money issues especially during times of crisis, (e.g. the Covid pandemic) can create problems and add pressure to an already fragile marriage.  The best way to address financial issues is to talk about them openly and honestly instead of avoiding it.  At any rate, it’s something that can’t be avoided during the divorce process, as transparency is a requirement.  It is a requirement to complete certain financial forms in order for a divorce decree to be issued by the Court.

The California courts require that the Parties complete certain forms dealing with the assets and the debts to determine how assets will be divided and how liability will be borne between the Parties.  Avoidance of transparency is not an option in divorce.  Sometimes, a couple may think, “Well, she ran up the credit cards so I’m not responsible” or “he ran up gambling debts and it has nothing to do with me.”  But if debts were incurred during the marriage, there is a presumption that they are community debts and both sides are equally responsible for them.

3. Communication

Communication issues and an inability to work through those issues is a common and avoidable cause of divorce. Here are some practical ways to get around communication problems.

  • Truly listen before responding.  Oftentimes, we are busy planning our response and fail to hear what the other person is actually saying.
  • Take your spouse’s concerns to heart.  Even if your spouse’s concerns are not important to you, they are important to the person with those concerns.
  • Seek marriage counseling to discuss communication breakdowns.  Being able to communicate well is a skill and can be learned.

Before giving up or making the final decision to divorce, try to reflect on what can be fixed in the relationship and if the relationship can have a future.  Divorce can be avoided, but when it is simply irreconcilable, there are options to divorce amicably and peacefully. If you need assistance with divorce mediation or collaboratively handling your family law matters, contact Kim Mediation today and schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation.