It is a fair statement to say that for most kids, learning that their parents are getting a divorce is a devastating experience. Even if they are not shocked by the news, and have been concerned that someday it could happen, they could still feel that their world has been turned upside down knowing that the stability of parenthood has been shattered.
How to Create Positive Outcomes for Children
There are a few things parents can do to create a positive outcome for their children both during and after the divorce.
- Parents should both be present when they tell the children about the divorce.
- Parents must make it clear that the children have done nothing to cause the divorce. Children tend to internalize the conflict and think, “I must have done something wrong. It must be my fault.” It is crucial for parents to make sure that the children know the decision to separate has nothing to do with them and that they must not blame themselves.
- Choose mediation or a collaborative divorce instead of litigation. Litigation is an adversarial process, with each parent trying to come up on top. Naturally enough, the children find themselves against one parent or the other. Mediation and collaborative divorce are non-adversarial processes that help the parents to create a calmer atmosphere with less animosity during a difficult and trying time.
- Being considerate and respectful to your spouse is beneficial. The less conflict there is during the divorce, the better it is for the children.
Positive Outcomes After the Divorce
Co-parenting is something that continues until children have become adults and established their own lives. Friendly communication and respect for one another are very important while attending super special events where your children are center stage. Then, one day, grandchildren may enter the picture and that long ago divorce will no longer be as disruptive as it once was.
Parents that choose to effectively co-parent after their divorce put the children’s needs first which in turn will create a positive outcome for their children in the future. The children will be healthier mentally and physically as a result. What greater feeling is there for a parent than knowing that a child feels contentment and happiness?
Kim Mediation and Law Center Can Help
For help in making your divorce one that focuses on having a respectful and cooperative outcome, that minimizes animosity and where your children are in the forefront of consideration, contact us at Kim Mediation and Law Center.