Mediation: Unreasonable Expectations
Unreasonable expectations can be a significant issue in divorce-related mediation. Most people who choose mediation do so because they are ready to problem solve and come to an agreement. However, there are a few issues related to unreasonable expectations that can make mediation challenging.
Differences Between Mediation and Court Litigation
To begin with, some believe that mediation is just like court but without the formal setting. They think they can achieve everything they would in court through mediation. This is true to some extent, but there is a difference. Mediation requires you to manage your negative feelings and focus on reaching an agreement. Unlike in court, where a judge controls the proceedings, a mediator can assist the Parties to manage their emotions only to a certain extent. In mediation, you need to realize that you must manage this stressful situation and work with the other party and the mediator.
The Unwillingness to Compromise
Another common issue is an unwillingness to compromise. In litigation, you often end up making compromises during a settlement conference before going to trial. Mediation is similar in that it requires give and take from both Parties. However, some clients are focused solely on their own wants, without considering the other person’s needs or concerns. They believe they can reach an agreement without making any compromises, which is unrealistic. Successful mediation requires you both to be willing to make concessions.
Email Communication
Some clients expect to mediate through emails. While emails can be useful for sharing information and answering general questions about the mediation process, emails are not effective for negotiating and problem-solving. Effective mediation needs to happen in a face-to-face meeting or a virtual session where you can discuss the issues in real-time. Expecting the mediator to keep up with back-and-forth email negotiations is impractical and doesn’t lead to effective resolution.
Not Understanding the Role of the Mediator
Another expectation can be that the mediator will act as an advocate for one party. Some clients want the mediator to convince the other person to accept their position or to tell the other party that their position is unreasonable. This is not the role of a mediator. A mediator is a neutral party who facilitates the discussion and helps you both to come to an agreement. The mediator is not there to take sides or to advocate for one party over the other.
Unreasonable Expectations Can Be Overcome
Unreasonable expectations can make mediation more difficult. You should come to mediation with a realistic understanding of the process. You need to be prepared to manage your emotions, make compromises, and actively participate in face-to-face discussions.
Overall, while unreasonable expectations can pose challenges, they are not insurmountable. With the right mindset and preparation, you can reach a mutually agreeable solution in your divorce.
The Kim Mediation and Law Center is located at 3701 Wilshire Blvd, Suite 508 in Los Angeles, CA. You may schedule an appointment by calling 213-352-1000. Or visit www.kimmediationandlaw.com
Compassion for my clients is important to me, and that’s why I’ve remained a family law practitioner for 30 years — and still love what I do. I’m keenly aware of the emotional toll divorce can have on you and your family. As you navigate the rough waters of transition, my team and I will help you find your balance. We’re here to support you in making the best decisions for your future. I’ve seen the positive results again and again when couples embrace meditation or collaborative divorce. I’d be honored to share these practices with you and set your family on a healthy path.
