Can Mediation Be Successful When We Disagree on Everything?
Mediation is an excellent tool for successfully navigating through divorce. But what if you and your spouse cannot agree on anything? The good news is that Mediation can still work even when you disagree on every issue. Success in Mediation depends on your willingness to discuss difficult subjects, listen to each other’s perspective, and to work toward an agreement.
Disagreement Does Not Mean Mediation Is Impossible
If you and your spouse disagree about everything, you might wonder if Mediation is worth trying. The answer is yes. You do not need to agree at the beginning of Mediation. What matters is if you are both committed to working toward an agreement.
Mediation conversations can be difficult. You or your spouse might even prefer not to share the same physical or virtual space. Mediation still offers a setting where you have an opportunity to address your disagreements with help from a neutral mediator.
Understanding the Law May Help
When you disagree about what is fair, knowing the applicable law provides a useful starting point. An important part of mediation is to understand how a legal issue would be handled in the courtroom before deciding how to resolve it through mediation.
For example, if you disagree about the amount of spousal support, discussing the legal standard is a way to measure your position against what the law provides for in spousal support. If you have questions about what a judge might do, those questions can be addressed during the mediation process.
The goal is not simply to focus on what a court might decide. Instead, this legal information gives you a reference point while you explore your agreement options.
Being Heard Matters
Strong emotions sometimes make reaching an agreement harder. You or your spouse might be hurt, angry, or feel left behind, particularly when there are issues such as an affair.
Mediation provides room for each of you to express those feelings and concerns. Listening, empathy, reframing, and making sure each person feels heard are useful tools. The neutral mediator listens to both sides and can help you move from simply stating your position toward discussing possible solutions.
Both Spouses Must Commit
Mediation requires the active participation of you and your spouse. You do not need to agree on every issue before starting. You do need a willingness to discuss the issues, listen to each other, and continue the process even when conversations become difficult. If you both are willing to work toward resolution, disagreement does not prevent the mediation from succeeding.
FAQs
Do my spouse and I need to agree before Mediation begins?
Mediation is designed to help you work through disagreements and develop agreements.
What if we can’t be in the same room?
Mediation can still take place even if you and your spouse do not want to share the same physical or Zoom space.
Does the law have a role in Mediation?
Understanding the law provides a useful starting point for evaluating whether proposed solutions are fair and reasonable.
Compassion for my clients is important to me, and that’s why I’ve remained a family law practitioner for 30 years — and still love what I do. I’m keenly aware of the emotional toll divorce can have on you and your family. As you navigate the rough waters of transition, my team and I will help you find your balance. We’re here to support you in making the best decisions for your future. I’ve seen the positive results again and again when couples embrace meditation or collaborative divorce. I’d be honored to share these practices with you and set your family on a healthy path.
