5 Questions for Your Potential Divorce Mediator
When choosing a Mediator for your divorce, you should ask them what type of Mediator they are, what their Mediation process looks like, and how they handle neutrality and confidentiality. The right Mediator fit will depend on whether you want the Mediator to tell you what to do, or for the Mediator to help solve problems, or to provide space to work through emotions. All three styles will help you reach resolution if you and your spouse are committed to settling outside of court.
Question #1: What Type of Mediator Are You?
One of the most important questions to ask is: What type of Mediator are you?
There are generally three types:
- Evaluative Mediator: This type is helpful if you want someone to tell you what the law is and how it applies. If you are looking for directions this style may be the right fit. Some couples are simply at a place where they need someone to tell them what needs to happen.
- Facilitative Mediator: A facilitative Mediator helps you and your spouse have necessary conversations, work through disputed issues, and check off the items that must be addressed in a divorce. This Mediator supports problem-solving and discussion but leaves decision-making in the hands of the parties because you have the best answers to your disputes.
- Transformative Mediator: This style allows more space for venting and emotional expression. If there are strong emotions that need to be addressed before resolution can happen, a transformative approach may be helpful.
Understanding the Mediator’s style will help you to choose someone aligned with your needs.
Question # 2: What Does the Mediation Process Look Like?
Another key question is: What happens in a divorce Mediation?
Ask the Mediator to explain their process. How are sessions structured? How are disputed issues addressed? How do they guide discussions? Knowing what to expect can reduce anxiety and help you determine whether their approach feels comfortable and productive for you.
Question # 3: How Do You Handle Neutrality?
Neutrality is fundamental to Mediation. A Mediator should not take sides. Ask how they maintain neutrality throughout the process and ensure that you are both heard. This is especially important in a divorce, where emotions and disagreements can run high.
Question # 4: Is Mediation Confidential?
Confidentiality is built into the Mediation process, but it is still important to confirm. Generally, whatever is discussed in Mediation cannot be used in court. Even if you come close to a settlement but do not reach full agreement, those discussions typically cannot be a part of a court proceeding. Understanding this protection can help you and your spouse to speak more openly and work toward resolution.
Question # 5: Will This Mediation Style Help to Resolve the Issues?
All three Mediation styles evaluative, facilitative, and transformative, can lead to resolution. The key factor is commitment. If you and your spouse are committed to resolving disputes outside the courtroom, Mediation will help you reach the end of the divorce process.
In short, the right Mediator is the one whose style matches where you are emotionally and practically.
Contact Kim Mediation
The Kim Mediation and Law Center is located at 3710 Wilshire Blvd in Los Angeles, CA. You can make an appointment by calling 213-351-1000 or visit www.kimmediationandlaw.com
FAQs
1. What is the most important question to ask a divorce Mediator?
Ask what type of Mediator they are and what their process looks like.
2. What is the difference between evaluative and facilitative Mediation?
An evaluative Mediator provides more direction about the law and outcomes, while a facilitative Mediator helps the parties problem solve and reach their own agreements.
3. What if we have a lot of emotional conflict?
A transformative Mediator may be helpful if there is a need for venting and emotional expression before resolution.
Compassion for my clients is important to me, and that’s why I’ve remained a family law practitioner for 30 years — and still love what I do. I’m keenly aware of the emotional toll divorce can have on you and your family. As you navigate the rough waters of transition, my team and I will help you find your balance. We’re here to support you in making the best decisions for your future. I’ve seen the positive results again and again when couples embrace meditation or collaborative divorce. I’d be honored to share these practices with you and set your family on a healthy path.
